More cut-and-paste posse cut fun for tonight. I listened to all of the raps on the “Racks” Remix and then I ranked them from worst to best.
17. Ace Hood
Ace Hood is permanently last at everything in life, even when his vocals are mixed too high.
16. Cory Gunz
Who is this guy? Is he someone’s son or something?
15. Big Sean
“Dickface”? Sean is really reaching to dethrone Nas’ from his status as the rapper you least want to hear rap about sex.
14. Dose
I hoped this was going to be Dose One from Anticon.
13. Cyhi The Prince
Who is this guy? Is he someone’s son or something?
12. Young Jeezy
Jeezy phoned in his verse so I’m going to phone in my write up.
11. B.O.B.
“Rivals” doesn’t rhyme with “outage,” Bob.
10. Bun B
He’s straight Dr. Seussing here and hard. Hang / Bang / Me / See.
9. Wale
+50 for the Nordstrom’s joke. -50 for being Wale.
8. Waka Flocka Flame
Putting autotune on a Waka Flocka verse is like eating fat free pork rinds or when they took all of the blood out of NHL ‘94 for Genesis.
7. Cory Mo
Nice! Two Bun B verses. Oh wait.
6. Trae
Trae only has one flow. It’s an okay flow. An okay flow is enough to push him into the upper reaches of this list.
5. Yo Gotti
Scales on top of scales.
4. Twista
He raps fast and then, just when you think he’s done, he raps faster.
3. YC
He wrote a catchy hook that you can sing along with.
2. Wiz Khalifa
As my dude Schnipper pointed out to me the other day, Wiz’s verse is notable if only for the rather poignant, Based God-esque downer aside of “now my life ain’t my life no more.” It might be the first time Wiz Khalifa ever made me feel anything and probably as compelling an indictment of fame as anything Tyler had to say on Goblin. And it’s made more compelling by the fact that Wiz is actually famous and not merely Pitchfork Festival famous.
1. Nelly
Remember Nelly? He’s back, in “Racks” form. He sounds about a thousand times more comfortable and with it than any of these bums and switches his style up no less than four times all the while remaining loyal to the original “Racks” structure. Plus NELLY IS FUCKING BACK and unlike the rest of these guys he wants to be here. He’s Nicki Minaj and this is his “Monster” moment. And you what that means? An album full of “See Right Through Me”s is right around the corner.
Honorable mention: Future, who didn’t even make the cut of the remix but was the only actual rapper on the original. He is of the Organized Noize bloodline therefore you must pay attention to him.
Props to Rockabye Review for being insane enough to actually transcribe all the lyrics. I’m not even insane to actually read them.
